Freed from being a little victimized sister

Dear LoLyn:

I don't know if I sent you this one; I found it in my draft file. After I wrote it I called mother and asked her about it. She called me back a couple of days later and said she did remember that one because of the broken window. It happened so often she could not remember details on all of them.

But she said the boys were fighting and Daddy was trying to stop them, but gave up and let them fight it out on the lawn after they went through the window. She said another time they let them fight it out was the last time; they ended up nearly killing each other, then hugging and didn't fight again.

I have another memory that fits in that time period; I never associated the two before just now when I was talking about it to Steven.

I was in my little blue school dress with the peter pan collar, standing in the door way, hiding behind the frame watching in horror as Daddy kicked and pummeled and stomped on my two brothers, swearing and screaming at them. They all three ended up going through the large glass window wall onto the porch and continued scrambling and kicking and hitting and swearing. I stood frozen. I've always thought it was my fear he would turn on me.

I wonder if I told on the boys and Daddy went whacko and I blamed myself sd my brother had done? Oh, my God; what if he had killed one of them and gone to jail too. I would not have had that kind of resiliency. I would have been schizo for life.

I called mother and she said that happened a lot. (Daddy stomping and kicking he boys) She never knew what triggered Daddy's manic abuse rampages, but he never hit her or us.

When I was in fourth grade this brother had my teacher for early morning seminary and hated him. I liked him and said, "I don't know why my brother hates you, I like you." of course he talked to this brother and after school he cursed me and I thought he was going to hit me.

In high school this same brother was home from the Navy and I told a vampire joke that I still think is funny but he took it sexually and screamed at me to go to my room. It took me years to understand how he understood it, but even so it was way over board reaction.

Thank you for letting me vent
no longer "little victimized sister"